Buddha For Mary

So in between class yesterday I picked up a copy of the Complete Works of Allen Ginsberg. I was bored and had already caught up on all of my reading of class. I flipped to the page where “Howl” began and read, and read, and read. In the end I had gone over it six times and was almost late for class. First off for anyone how hasn’t read it before read it. Its been one of my favorite poems for a long time (since mid high school I think). How can something so deeply personal and specific be so universal and understood and empathized with. Reading it however always gets me down a bit. For two reasons; my generation acts basically the same way but without the excuse and I’ll never write anything even close to approximating a plagiarism of Ginsberg. Oh well, we cant all define a generation in a single work.

Beyond the moppy-ness work is busy as always with corporate politics conspiring to ruin my Ginsberg/Zen-like high from yesterday. People are just so damn petty and nearsighted. They wrap themselves in these artificial worlds in which they love to bray at the moon, or may as well, for all the good it will do complaining about these things. I’m no Ghandi “be the change you wan to see in the world” boy but for god sakes there is a difference between being able to do something about a problem and then fixing it and not being able to do jack shit about a problem. Those you have to except and deal with. THEY DON’T GO AWAY, AND THEY WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE HARDER! This is life. Life is pain and suffering and joy and hope and beauty and shame and every experience under the sun. You have to take both with a grain of salt, ‘cause both are impermanent and both in the end mean little when they are weighed against your actions. And before Mike or someone gets the smart-alecky idea of calling me a Buddhist, I think that life is equal parts joy and sorrow. And not all pain.

Fuck it. That was dumb. And there goes the bliss, back to staring at my computer trying to avoid the internal, unnecessary bull…

Listening to Braid…lots of it and loudly!